Annual Dinner and Prize Giving 2008 - Scott Rogers' Review of the Season
Good evening Mr President, Mr Chairman, kind sponsors, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. As I did last year, I have again tried to format my few words in rhyme so please give me the benefit of the doubt while tuning in. I am going to attempt to remind you of the squad of players, give you an in-sight into pre-season, then touch briefly on the season’s games and end with a few closely kept secrets and, of course, a few thanks.
The Squad
Eike “grass” Gilbert, famous for his trouser stains
Piers “DVT” Caulthery, wears tights for his veins
Clive “Versace” Haywood, playing cricket in his long johns
Andy “Mr Tea” Shaw, he just loves jam and scones
Graham “I’ve lost it” Sly, knocking the ball out of its cover
Billy “I’m sobering up” Sly, now he’s the other brother
Matt “Ben Dover” page, well “Hello there, ducky”
Steve “the ultimate male” Jay, we just call him Mr Unlucky
Leon “Mr Richards” Clarke, but is it Cliff or the blaster Viv?
Will “Cadfael” Bird, impersonating a monk but looking a div
Graham “gloveless” Stewart, just gliding over the grass
Brian “The Oracle” Bywater, one of our pensioners with class
Danny “Sunday” Chinn, will he even play just one game?
Mick “I’m injured” Mcgrory, looking for first team fame
Steve “I’m working” Thorne, more pictures than Kodak
Richard “I haven’t played for 57 years” Watson, making a comeback
Naz “what are these gloves for” Nazir, still waiting for a catch
The other guys are with Baldrick, and they're in the second team batch.
Pre-season
The slim-line Shawy arrived, in a new Jag if I remember
Clive arrived, it was the first time Nicky had allowed him out since September
Eike arrived, late doing a ton fifty in the compact
Mick arrived uninjured, now there's an interesting fact
Matt and his partner arrived, they had been chatting over a Carling
"I prefer pink in your hair to blue, do it for me darling"
Graham didn’t arrive and the injuries were a growing fear
So our medics checked him out to find he’d gone deaf in one ear
Ginger arrived boasting the loss of weight for his protection
Boy, it must take it out of you, just looking at that reflection
Danny Chinn arrived late, he’d been performing with a horse
We’ll have to grind him down to see if he will play Saturdays of course
Jake arrived with “ginger” written on the back of his cricket top
The bar at the Navi fell over, as it had gone and lost it’s prop
John Glover arrived with pipe in hand, we all know he’s a plumber
Leon and Naz arrived on a moped like a scene from dumb and dumber
Birdy arrived, and not sure of which net to cover
Ran up in the one and bowled the ball down the other
No winter signings for us, the board just wanted a grass clamp
And come the first game of the season it was all rather damp.
The season 2008
I strolled out to the middle with the captain from Ashorne
Confident in our selection as we had left out Steve Thorne
I won the toss and fielded as they chose to bat
We knocked off the runs and that was that
Chipping Campden at home and the record went up in flames
I win the toss and you can bat on a belter, not clever mind games
At Temple Grafton we saw the best from Indiana Jay
Wickets and runs at the Temple of Gloom to win the day
No wickets and no runs and the press called for my head
"Here comes Dr No" were the cries from the shed
Ebrington and a scorcher meant batting was a cert
We piled on 255 through Sly, Page and Gilbert
Wickets for Dr No as a barren spell came to an end
Jay scored runs again to drive us all around the bend
Jay e-mailed the averages every day while he was in front
Graham Stewart hit Winchcombe for a gloveless six to put us back in the hunt
Off to Long Itch and the odds were cut by half
Jay ran up to bowl, fell over, and tore his calf
Without our star player who sat it out rather sore
I got my gun from the car and Elmer Fudd bagged a rabbit or four
Haywood and Sly scored heavily but the rest were lame
Mcgrory smashed a six and Shawy won the game
100 for Haywood and "well batted" was the shout
200 plus for Rowington as FISCC left with nowt
Four more rabbits for Elmer as the injured Jay looked on
Only Billy Sly got runs and the Warwick game was gone
Clarke and Shaw bowled well with the continued absence of Jay
Shipston posted 220; they thought it was going to be their day
Clarke, Sly and Shawy saw us home after runs from the top order
We were top of the league as we crossed the halfway border
Off to Ashorne with Dave Oldfield on debut
Wickets for all the bowlers and Elmer, 1 for 2
Losing, chasing 90, now that would be a sin
But Gilbert smashed the boundaries before the rain came in
No covers at Campden and who knows how we’d have fared
But they had that look in their eyes, they were running scared
Grafton at home and the openers set a rapid pace
Nashy was back from Oz and his knock at the end was ace
225 posted, but still I held a talk at tea time
The game was not over, we must bowl a tight line
Jay was fired up, bowling with swing and pace
20 off a Graham Stewart over wiped the smile from our face
Jay and Elmer came back to turn the mounting tide
Shaw and Gilbert combined to take the last wicket, for a hell of a ride
Heads dropped and tactics questioned during the Grafton rout
But in this group of players one man never harbours a doubt
A ton for Graham Sly and runs from Brian Bywater
Elmer was back on song as the Ebrington rabbits went to slaughter
We travelled to Winchcombe and Jay threw his toys from his cot
Clarke with three rabbits became a very sun-tanned Scott
The banter from Winchcombe had no rhyme or reason
Our trophy cabinet may be empty but we're not in danger of going down this season
Rain against Long Itch and Rawbone had a moan
"Take the five points 'cause if we’d played that’s all you would have taken home"
I could have claimed the toss against FISCC who had nine in the rain
But backed my heart to play cricket in the right vein
Inserted into bat, with the conditions we struggled a bit
But Tommy on debut proved to be a real hit
It was one of those days when we all could have played better by miles
And FISCC were so full of it they must all have piles
Jacky fought with the opposition as we fought with our nerve
Another tight finish, another win and no more than we deserve
Promotion secured with two games to go
To win the league now we must put on some kind of show
Losing to Warwick and the game was sadly up
Another year for Rowington without a league cup
Victory at Shipston kept us from finishing on a low
Racing back to the club for Mick's karaoke and disco
We drank the bar dry and celebrated in style
To stay in division one we’ll have to go that extra mile.
What you haven’t read in the papers
Luckily the media have never had need to abuse
But I hope that the following may well amuse
Shawy confessed to train spotting diesels, steam and loco
Orange trainers, short trousers and an anorak, I should coco
Leon's too cool for school and for that he’s not sorry
But just how cool is ironing while watching Eastenders and Corry
Ginger lives a private life and that must be tough I guess
He prides himself on his flawless home that makes an OCD sufferer look a mess
Ladies beware the Ginger ocean, for he says he’s the very best
And his overseas girlfriend loves him because she charges him less than all the rest
But its the Ginger winning mentality that makes him solid as a rock
Through the turnstile to the land of smiles remember, not to Bangkok
Graham's a role model to the kids on how to live and play
And when he retires from cricket he’ll be able to say “I did it my way”
Eike's always in the bookies but as he owns it that’s handy
Saturdays finish on the heavy stuff but start with a shandy
Matty’s out till the early hours and its affecting his game we fear
Drinking cocktails and watching strippers does not mean you’re not queer
Clive's a reformed character after years of deceit and lies
He served a three month stretch for breaking into Greggs and eating all the pies
He proudly wears International Rescue boxers because he's now a good guy
And one day you’ll see him in Thunderbird 2, somewhere high in the sky
My thanks
We’ve bowled jaffa’s, hit sixes with the odd liquorice allsort
We’ve hooked and pulled, we’ve bowled full and short
We’ve had howzats, not outs and orange cordial by the bucket
We’ve trooped back to the pavilion muttering oh **** ** dear
We’ve had Cliff and Jonty, Elmer and Indiana Jay
We’ve had yorkers, sweep shots and sledging been said
We’ve had chilli sauce, mayo and heaps of crusty bread
We’ve had stumpings, chicken wings and all kinds of edges
We’ve had jam tarts, run outs and lots of potato wedges
We’ve had ice creams, dolphin balls and all kinds of lollies
We’ve had choc ices, cover drives and dropped all kinds of dollies
To my beautiful wife and daughter we thank you for the fantastic grub
To the memory of Val Jay and Billy Sly senior, great servants to the club
We’ve seen more strains and tears than a busy physio on speed
We’ve played against the tall and short and some ugly blokes indeed
We’ve drank, we’ve danced, and we’ve sung some raps
We’ve looked damn good in some extremely tight jock straps
We’ve bought that many drinks we could all do with a sub
Our thanks to Adrian for the use of the Club
My thanks to a true clubman who manifests himself in different guises
Please put your hands together for Steve Jay, now, as he rises
To my wife for putting up with us lot, you should be made a Dame
For the three games we lost she said I was Raj and most definitely to blame
To Leon for cleaning the pavilion before the start of every play
To Matty for not trying to prove that he really is gay
My thanks to all for the opportunity to captain and play
My thanks to all the players for their support every Saturday
With fantastic camaraderie we’ve proved we’re a tough team to best
We’ve been a tight unit that has set us apart from all the rest
We’ve played some fantastic cricket and never knew we were beat
To finish second in the league with a bunch of OAPs has been no mean feat
And now it’s time to finish I really must cut things short
I’d like to leave you with this last little thought
Always play straight and keep your eye on that ball
Wear your heart on your sleeve but remember stay cool
Always bowl straight, take your guard and protect your wicket
For Theatre of Dreams at Rowington is the only place to play cricket
The End
Monday, 13 October 2008
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