Rowington Cricket Club

Scott Rogers' Speech 2010

Mon, 4 Oct 2010 15:42:12 +0100

"Good evening Mr Chairman, honoured guests, ladies and gentlemen, kind sponsors, Vice Presidents, boys and girls. So another summer has come and gone and again I find myself here, unpaid, and struggling to find anything remotely funny to say about the bunch of misfits I have had the misfortune to have spent the last five and a bit months with. So this year I have decided to describe each player's part in the season through a Hollywood film star, and the films they are famous for, that best depicts his character.

For those of you who have been present in the last three years my few words are in the normal format. Would each person mentioned please stand when their name is called so everyone knows who I am talking about. No milking of the crowd, just stand and sit down again please.

Alex Smith

Last year he joined us and his batting was Music and Lyrics in motion
But this year he joined me, and drank the "I can’t score a run” potion
When he came from Bridge Trust his batting was Four Weddings and has become a Funeral sadly
We all thought he could bat, but not this bloody badly
Having spoken to the selectors it looks like a return for Sir Clive
And for Mr Smith it looks like his marching orders and a P45
But if you believe in the American Dreamz there is a way back
Get the steel of Mickey Blue Eyes, score some runs and avoid the sack
'Cause you've been batting more like Bridget Jones' Diary than Andrew Strauss of late
It’s time to move up a gear or you’ll be getting two weeks' notice me old mate
And, although we quite like you, it’s not Love Actually just yet
No pressure at all this winter, with all that time to fret
So stop batting like Hugh Grant because we are all now countin'
You have to become The English Man who went up a Hill and came down a Mountain.

Tom Jefferson

A changing room of strange looking men, some of whom he had never met
Jeffo thought he’d come to Rowington Cricket Club, not the Shutter Island film set
Steve Thorne was our wicket keeper but now he’s The Departed
And for Jeffo it was going to take a Titantic effort to stop this lot getting carted
He spent the early part of the season relaxing, just sitting on The Beach
And with the way this lot bowl he needed a much bigger reach
Promoted to bat at three was a Revolutionary Road by the skipper
Catch Me If You Can was the shout from Ginger's dolphin ball called Flipper
So Jeffo thought it was time for his drinking Inception with the famous four
"I’ll have a double vodka whatever" was very foolish, just ask his bedroom floor
But his batting is looking good and his keeping has been first class
His girlfriend wishes he had a Body of Lies and Leonardo DiCaprio’s ass.

Simon Cross

When batting he’s Unbreakable and often the Last Man Standing
In two run chases he crashed his plane short of a winning safe landing
But out in the middle it’s The Siege when he’s out there batting
And off the field he comes across as The Last Boy Scout when chatting
He’s got a Die Hard attitude and a Sixth Sense for scoring run after run
You might as well have 10 in the field if its cold, 'cause he only fields in the sun
His fielding is a real mystery, don’t press the button for Armageddon
He wonders and day dreams and his boots must have lead in
With that Fifth Element missing you can feel the Mercury Rising to boiling point
A normal appearing physique that seems to be without a single joint
So Crossie is our Bruce Willis, his batting's first class and his fielding's like a donkey's
He left Bridge Trust to join Rowington and become one of the Twelve Monkeys.

Eike Gilbert

A seemingly cool and calm individual if you weigh up the facts
Until he crosses that white line and he becomes Mad Max
By no means a Maverick as he always plays for the team
Batting with power and moving the ball off the seam
There’s a Conspiracy Theory that he once had a fling with Steve Jay
But he’s just What Women Want now they’re assured he’s not gay
And as the years roll by he’s still trying to be Forever Young
But as a cricketer and an all round good guy no praises can be higher sung
To the birth of his new son let's raise a Tequilla Sunrise
And pray little Wilf avoids Steve Jay’s wing and his resulting demise
He always wears a Braveheart whenever he’s playing the game
Holding batsmen to Ransom and leaving bowlers feeling lame
If We Were Soldiers you’d want him in the trench before going into battle
With his never say die attitude, positive banter and rattle
A Lethal Weapon on the cricket field but in the bar he’s just fun
And so Eike's our Mel Gibson, just another cockerel in the Chicken Run.

Matty Page

So Matty's back from Bidford, who he helped get relegated to Division Two
We’ve given him a Total Recall back to his beloved Rowington crew
We thought he might despatch a few sixes with a “Hasta la vista, baby”
And help keep us in Division One with a bit of a luck, just maybe
We’re not sure if he’s been Pumping Iron, but to call him fat would be a Raw Deal
You could never accuse Matty of looking like he needs a good meal
I’d never tell you True Lies but runs have been hard to get back to back
And don’t believe the rumours he walks around Commando in a flasher mac
On the field he’s The Running Man and just keeps going to The Sixth Day
His favourite band is the Village People, just watch him dance to YMCA
Matty took a blow to the head and was suffering a lot of pain
They operated the other day to ease the problem, but couldn’t find his brain
He says it’s Collateral Damage as he dances past the ball down the wicket
And if he keeps doing it, it will be The End of Days for him and his cricket
So we suggest young Arnie that politics beckons, if cricket gets you the sack
But just like the Terminator no doubt you’ll just say “I’ll be back”.

Clive Haywood

Recalled to the Ones early season he was determined to succeed
But climbing the batting order was going to be tough indeed
But for The Love of the Game he wanted to prove his doubters wrong
Would he retire from Rowington this season, his final swan song?
He needed the strength of Bull Durham, a baseball player at his best
But his performances with the bat, not so Armani shirt as string vest
But with The Guardian Jay he did his best to provide a silver lining
Rumour Has It that he’s Long Itch's first big summer signing
And it's Open Range on the skipper for leaving Sir Clive for dead
Maybe he should have put a Message in a Bottle and smashed it on my head
If your peepers are the problem get a little laser treatment on your eyes
Bang the weight back on with that diet of "who ate all the pies?"
Maybe glasses for batting in, so no need to feel blue
My apologies to Sir Clive before his Bodyguard breaks me in two
So Clive's our Kevin Costner, he’s been a top Robin Hood
Let’s hope he comes to his senses and stays at Rowington for good.

Dale Glover

He showed us The Color of Money and it was time to join A Few Good Men
And his Mom said “enjoy yourself today but be home before ten”
He had already shown the team we had picked the right guy
As he ran into bowl, on debut, under a Vanilla Sky
He rapped the batsmen on the pads, “Howzat” the shout from this Top Gun
And his Dad standing umpire raised his digit and replied “that’s out son”
It was never Mission Impossible whether it was with bat, ball or fielding
At times it was Lions for Lambs as we witnessed some players yielding
It was War of the Worlds when Henley bowled him a very quick beamer
He’s now very much part of The Firm, and our first change seamer
The last game of the season and their umpire with his Eyes Wide Shut
Took a cheap shot at a young lad, a blow to the gut
For it's as clear as Knight and Day that it's all in the wrist
And the bloke from Shipston without an umpire's coat must have been p*****d
So Dale's our Tom Cruise, it’s all in Ginger's Minority Report
And it’s the league's batsmen who will be twitching whenever they give him a thought.

Steve Jay

He’s Gunny Highway from Heartbreak Ridge as he prowls the changing room
And he’s so gifted at batting he thinks he’d score runs with just a broom
We all know his persuasion, so don’t let him Play Misty For Me
Any film set in Thailand would suit and his acting would be free
Forget Smith and Wesson, his weapon is the Duke cricket ball
The batsmen in his gun sight and he’s about to see them fall
He faces the batsmen and asks, “Did I bowl six balls or only five?”
The batsmen respond with “Did you bowl the last one in slow mo or was it really live?”
He’s The Good, he’s The Bad and all the time he’s The Ugly as you know
And most of the time he drops the ball but sometimes he catches it by Joe
If he got paid to take wickets with guile, swing and seam
He wouldn’t get paid A Fist Full of Dollars playing for this team
The team are Unforgiven for buying him Carling and the odd cider
He once pulled a horsey sort and became Ginger the Pale Rider
Sometimes he’s too drunk to walk so he drives home in his Grand Torino
And he never uses a stunt man for spinning on his chair while selling cheap vino
He’s often In the Line of Fire but playing Dirty Harry would be a doddle
A good bloke to have Where Eagles Dare but don’t have him as a role model
His cricket is like his Range Rover, fast running out of juice
He’s Any Which Way You Can and not Every Which Way But Loose
He’s the Clint Eastwood of the team as he puffs out his chest with pride
Never mind Clint Eastwood, he’s more like that big urang utang called Clyde.

Andrew Shaw

You wouldn’t be surprised if you saw Shawey smoking a large Hamlet that’s lit
But really he would prefer tea and digestives and a quiet little sit
When it's been Mission Impossible he often dragged us out of the muck
He’s our Tenth Man with the bat 'cause he's not had much luck
He dons his Mask of Zorro to torture batsmen to defeat
And we think he might have a Fracture as he's not too good on his feet
He’s left arm round coming through with a hooping drifting ball
He’ll sit during the winter reminiscing, as he’s a Legend of the Fall
When I chose to play on at Norton The Red Dragon rose its head
If looks could kill then I'd be off to Meet Joe Black, 'cause I’d have been dead
For a while I suffered Silence of the Lambs as Shawey and the rest threatened to quit
And All the King's Men almost won a famous game but for one big hit
So Shawey’s Anthony Hopkins, so very proper and upper crust
Don’t give him A Chorus of Disapproval as Dracula can turn you to dust
As long as the tea lady provides plenty he’s sure to be a winner
But if tea’s a poor show then you might end up being Hannibal's dinner.

Leon Clarke

Was Leon going to play or just sit on the sidelines and be The Fan
Retained in the Ones he became the strike bowler, our Demolition Man
His age is almost his seat number in the film Passenger 57
And he’ll probably open the bowling for God if he’s allowed into heaven
Being a wiley old fox he really knows The Art of War
But if another catch goes into The Drop Zone we’ll be showing him the door
Wickets have been like a Money Train, they just kept coming thick and fast
In nice little five over spells allowing Clarkey to give it a blast
The old boy can hold his head up high having put many batsmen to the Blade
But in the last game of the season he did a Disappearing Act and for that no excuse can be made
So what advice on Futuresport for this veteran of the game
Always bet on black if you think Wesley Snipes is your name.

Tommy Williams, Billy Sly, Anthony Collins, Paul Vickerstaff, Sam Turrell and Naz Nazir

To the other guys in the squad we owe a huge debt of gratitude
To the old geezer, the less than sober geezer and a bit of a young dude
We also had the black rat and for three games Lord Lucan the sales director
One does a small furry creature impression and the other sells houses per hectare

Naz came in at The Eleventh Hour to take up behind the wicket
He’s a stunt man in Star Trek and the X Men when he’s not playing cricket
Naz is our Patrick Stewart and a stunt double for Jean-Luc Picard
He’s getting on a bit but still too good to discard

Billy rolled through the pub door and straight to a five wicket haul
Batsmen just end up Kiss Me Stupid as he bowls that in-swinging ball
No matter what is said he puts the Silencers on those that jest
He can’t sing as well as Dean Martin, but drink him under the table, he’d do his best

And then there’s young Tommy, some call him The Calcium Kid I’ve heard
His cricket promises so very much, "potential", I believe, is the word
His chance will come to bat far higher than five, six or seven
And if the Club is lucky I think we’ve found a future captain of The Kingdom of Heaven
Will Turner in Pirates of the Carribean but Orlando Bloom for real
And I’ve stuck this to young Tommy and that’s not a bad deal

Baldrick ran and slid and dived, not bad for a small version of Shrek
But was sent back to the Twos when his Austin Powers' mojo fell out of his pocket onto the deck
So Baldrick does Mike Myers and that just leaves good old Vickerstaff
Who is out there Romancing the Stone as Danny de Vito, you must be having a laff
Due to restructuring of the marketing policy we just wished he was twins
Then one could play cricket on a Saturday while the other emptied Burchell Edwards' bins
For The A Team one other named Mr T played one solitary game
He impressively grabbed a couple of wickets on debut and Sam Turrell is his name.

John Glover

Sustaining a nasty knee injury he volunteered to be our umpire
And with a couple of dodgy decisions The Quiet Man got off to a flyer
I always tried to bowl The Sons of Katie Elder from big John's end
In the hope he wouldn’t cheat but the rules he might bend
But he’s far too Tall in the Saddle to try such a fiddle
It’s a pity others don’t follow suit out in the middle
And as the War Wagon rumbled on trying to be winners
He joined us in the bar every Saturday, one of The Seven Sinners
And when the opposition gave him grief he showed True Grit
Never mind reviewing it with Hawkeye and Snicko it’s just going on to hit
So as the Hell Fighters fought on trying to avoid relegation
He only went and booked himself in for that knee operation
No umpire at the Shipston Alamo, "will you be there?", “the hell I will”
We managed to avoid the drop as big John sat in his Stage Coach on the hill.

Jacqueline Rogers

As important at Rowington as any member of the team on the field
And by including her in this, my fate I have sealed
For I have been Sleeping with the Enemy and enjoying it I have to say
And unlike Ginger me old pal I’ve never had to pay
Her teas have given the opposition Something to Talk About
And having been to Henley they’re the best without a shadow of a doubt
She never does Mystic Pizza and we’ve never seen The Gingerbread Man
She does a better tea than Erin Brockovich and she's quite a Pretty Woman
And after doing the teas she doesn’t let the cricket out of her sight
"I love trouble" she shouts and she’s always up for a fight
For the opposition don’t seem to favour me with words I can’t repeat
Little do they know, it’s my wife sitting next to them on the seat
Maybe it’s because we can still play a bit even though we’re over the Notting Hill
And Jacko just calm it, don’t forget to take a chill pill
So Jacko’s our Julia Roberts, I’m the only one to see her Pelican Brief
And I might need a good dentist as I feel I’m about to lose my teeth
From all the lads massive thanks and Save the Last Dance for me
You’ve got a glass of champagne heading your way as I prefer breakfast to tea.

And now for a few thanks and a very brief summary of the season

I’m not going to mention the season as it just fills me with pain
We lost too many games to ourselves and the rain
So we must remember to thank those that make possible the cricket
Fixture secretaries, tea ladies, team selectors and those that prepare the wicket
And those that cut grass, serve beer and attempt to cook the books
All the stress of captaincy has took a severe toll on my looks
And my health would be far worse if not for the efforts of Steve Jay
Who works so very hard for this Club in every possible way
From groundsman, to chief moaner and event organiser with clout
Playing the Aussie twenty twenty team was a hell of a day without a doubt
Our thanks to Nashy, who lives in Oz and Ginger signed as our overseas pro
But with the way he batted and bowled we ended up paying him just to go
With finances hard to come by, giving is such an amazing feat
A special thanks to our kind sponsors and VPs, you are the breath of our heart beat
A special mention must be given to John for his generosity, he is definitely one of our peers
And if you're selling your house it has to be John Shepherd Estate Agents, Chartered Surveyors and Auctioneers.

But next year it starts afresh and maybe someone new at the helm
With fresh ideas and talent to drive on the Rowington realm
So now my thanks to one and all for having offered me this charge
For the time I’ve had with this cricketing family that has become so very large
I always set out to play the game with the right intention
We lost so many close games this year, too many for me to mention
Losing is not a clever habit and forces tensions to rise
Friendships forged over several years just fell apart before my eyes
This is the end to my captaincy and I’ve played my last game
Promotion would have been a sweet goodbye and that is a shame
You know it's time to step down when you no longer have the team's support
Some of the big decisions I’ve made have left the atmosphere a little fraught
Mistakes I have made and some players I’ve upset
But the people at this Club are the very best I’ve ever met
I’ve played in some fantastic games and pushed it to the max
But you always get the feeling when they‘re about to wield the axe
I’ve had 6 fantastic years at Rowington, having retired once before
And now it’s time to quietly slip away, through the back door
To represent this Club has been an honour which none of us take for granted
We don’t get paid to play and very rarely hear our name chanted
But on a Saturday we give it everything and leave nothing on the track
And I’m sure next year with the right captain, this team will be back
And now I take my final bow with a tear in my eye and my voice somewhat croaking

YOU'VE GOT NO CHANCE OF GETTING RID YOU LOT, I'M ONLY BLOODY JOKING!

So winter well, stay healthy and grab yourself a season ticket
For we all know Rowington's Theatre of Dreams is the only place to play cricket."

Annual Dinner 2010

Sun, 3 Oct 2010 13:44:33 +0100

This year's annual dinner took place on Friday 1 October at the usual venue, the Ardencote Manor Hotel.

The speakers included the Club's chairman - Brian Taylor, the 1st XI captain - Scott Rogers, the 2nd XI captain - Graham Stuart, the Sunday side captain - Stewart Jordan and the Juniors' coach - John Glover. As compere, Steve Jay implemented some rather unorthodox practices in a failed attempt to keep the proceedings on track, even confiscating John Glover's microphone at one stage! As usual, Scott Rogers' rhyming speech is available in full here.

The prizes were awarded by Lee Gregory on behalf of the Club's main sponsor, John Shepherd Estate Agents.

Prize winners
Congratulations to all this year's prize winners who are as follows:

1st XI
Batting - Simon Cross (581 runs, average of 53 (league best))
Bowling - Eike Gilbert (23 wickets, economy 4.2 over)
Catching - Scott Rogers (14 catches)
Double Figure Batsman (Player of the Year) - Tom Jefferson (224 runs, average 37, 9 catches and 3 stumpings)
The Andy Lewis Trophy for the Players' Player of the Year - Leon Clarke (17 wickets, average 20 runs and 2 catches)

2nd XI
Batting - Andrew Wade (342 runs, average 34)
Bowling - Jason Pickering (25 wickets, economy 3.5 over)
Catching - John Lange (7 catches)
The Dave Swingler Trophy for the Players' Player of the Year - Jason Pickering (Played every game including most Sundays)

Sunday XI
Batting - Simon Cross (793 runs, average of 113)
Bowling - Chris Clarke (23 wickets, economy 5.79 over)

Other awards
Junior Player of the Year - Sam Turrell (2nd XI: 12 wickets and 5 catches, 1st XI: 7-0-34-1)
The Chairman's Award - Graham Stuart
Clubman of the Year (The Jim Parsons Trophy) - Scott Rogers and Jackie Rogers

Trophies were also presented to the Under 16 team, winners of both the Cotswold Hills League and the award for the most sporting team. The Under 16 team presented gifts of thanks to their main coaches, John and Naomi Glover.

Last but not least, special presentations were made to the tea ladies, Jackie Rogers (1st XI) and Toni Timmins (2nd XI and Sundays).

Rowington v Shipston-on-Stour

Tue, 31 Aug 2010 13:41:52 +0100

Rowington's last game of the season was at leaders Shipston and, with both teams needing 5 points either to avoid the drop or win promotion, it was bound to be a keenly contested game.

Rowington's situation was not really their own making as the weather had seen them have three home games called off against teams struggling at the lower end of the table. With only 5 points per game this had dragged them into the relegation dog-fight.

Shipston elected to bat and the opening pair of Harper and Morris struggled to score against the tight lines of Steve Jay and Scott Rogers, only putting on 23 off the first 13 overs. Rogers was then replaced by Dale Glover who had a bit of a bad start, going for 13 off his second over, not helped by the fact that, even though he had been cleared by a qualified instructor as being 'wristy' rather than a thrower, he was called a no-ball by the Shipston player/umpire at square leg. This upset his rhythm and he only managed another 3 overs. Jay then pulled up with a hamstring injury, finishing his 8 overs for 12 runs, but the openers were still there. Morris (35) was the first to go, skying one up off Eike Gilbert for Leon Clarke to make the most of, but still hold on!

The score was on 69 and Harper soon followed as he tossed one up to Tommy Williams off Clarke for 21. Murphy lasted just two balls as Clarke had him LBW - 69 for 3. Eike Gilbert then bowled Hall (3) and it was 81 - 4. Betteridge and Benthom added 40, taking the score to 121 before Betteridge (26) was bizarrely run out by Tommy Williams as he stood watching the fielder Page throw the ball in but was out of his crease! A spirited resistance by Pratt (20) came to an end as the returning Rogers bowled him and he also had Robins (4) as the Ships sailed to 162 - 8.

Jay 0 - 12, Rogers 2 - 36, Gilbert 2 - 31, Clarke 3 - 30 the main bowlers.

With Rowington now sitting on four points it was a case of let's try and win the game now.......After 10 runs Smith's dismal season came to an end as he was bowled for 7 and Rogers and Tom Jefferson guided the score to 36, before Rogers skyed one to Pratt off Strong for 18. Jefferson then played across a straight one for 11 and it was now 36 - 3. Simon Cross and Matt Page moved the score past the 50, but Page (4) then played around one off Murphy. Cross joined him a ball later and it was now 60 - 5. Eike Gilbert and Tommy Williams took the game to the Ships' bowlers and added 38 before Gilbert (25) went. Glover then went first ball and Tommy Williams went a run later as the Rs collapsed to 99 - 8. Clive Haywood added a single before going LBW and it was 100 - 9. In came the injured Jay to join Leon Clarke and, with the aid of Jay's similar runner, both in agility and class, they added 10 runs before Clarke was caught. 110 all out. Jay another not out innings of 7!!

With the 5 points gained Rowington ended up 7th this year, Shipston go up as champions.

The Ships' bowlers Hall 1 - 28, Betteridge 1 - 29, Pyne 1 - 13, Strong 1 - 13 and Murphy 6 - 26.

Steve Jay